GLASTONBURY? GLASTONBURIAL. RIP BRITAIN.

KNEECAPSTERS OF THE APOCALYPSE: U.K.’S GLASTONBURY GOES FULL GAGA FOR TERROR WANNABES

Ah, Britain. Once an empire. Now a soggy, self-hating, post-colonial clown car with a monarchy that waves politely as terrorists headline music festivals. Welcome to Glastonbury 2025 — where talent is optional, morals are missing, and Hezbollah is the headliner.

Let’s paint the scene: a degenerate Irish-language “rap” trio (because of course that’s a thing), named Kneecap — a name so on-the-nose it’s practically a Belfast kneebreaking tutorial — struts on stage to a chorus of drugged-out TikTok revolutionaries waving Palestinian flags made in Chinese sweatshops. One of them, Liam Óg Ó hAnnaidh — aka Mo Chara (translation: “My Friend,” ironic for a Hezbollah cheerleader) — is literally out on TERRORISM CHARGES. Yes, Britain, your beloved multicultural utopia has terror suspects dropping bars between bombing endorsements.

And what does this glorious performer cry out to the heavens?

“Glastonbury, I’m a free man!”

No kidding, mate — that’s because the UK’s justice system has the backbone of a wet digestive biscuit.

Let’s recap: this clown, Mo Chara, was caught waving a Hezbollah flag — the same Hezbollah that murders Jews, lynches opponents, and shoots rockets from hospitals. He’s on bail, not in a cage. But don’t worry, he’s performing bilingual — in case his terrorist dog whistles weren’t accessible to the BBC audience.

But wait, the British comedy doesn’t end there. Before Kneecap waddles out, the brain trust of punk irrelevance known as Bob Vylan (a name that screams, “I have daddy issues and a Che Guevara poster”) incites a crowd of 30,000 virtue-signaling morons to chant:

“Death, death, death to the IDF.”

That’s right — advocating the murder of Jewish soldiers while sipping overpriced kombucha under eco-friendly solar panels. How progressive.

And then comes the cherry on this compost-flavored sundae:

“From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free.”

Spoiler alert: That’s not about peace or coexistence. That’s Hamas’ Final Solution remix — in stereo.

So what the hell happened to Britain?

This is the same country that once defeated the Nazis, ruled half the world, and invented Shakespeare. Now it’s giving standing ovations to semi-literate, terror-supporting stoners in bucket hats.

The British Empire went from Churchill to Chur-chillout tents. From “we shall fight them on the beaches” to “we shall vibe to Hezbollah on the West Holts stage.” From Margaret Thatcher to Meghan Markle. You let Hamas apologists headline your music festivals while your police arrest people for misgendering on Twitter. Bravo.

If this is “diversity,” it’s the kind that ends with your country being divided — between useful idiots and Islamic radicals with microphones.

Message to Glastonbury:

Your headliners are jihadist groupies. Your crowd is a failed sociology experiment. And your nation has become a punchline with better lighting.

Britain isn’t declining — it’s actively auditioning for the sequel to “Idiocracy.” And Kneecap is the house band for the funeral of Western civilization.

So raise your Palestinian flag, roll your joint, and scream “death to the Jews!” under the rainbow banner of tolerance — because nothing says peace and justice like celebrating genocidal maniacs to a dubstep beat.

Glastonbury 2025: Where culture comes to OD.